St Peter and St Paul, Old Brampton

Marriage

 

Planning Your Wedding

Introduction

 

 

God (the Divine) is love, and love is God (the Divine), so the mutual love of woman and man is a sign of ‘god-ness’ or ‘divine-ness’. The church holds that marriage is a sacrament: that is, a sign of Divine love. In the ceremony, you make a public declaration of lifelong commitment to love each other, come what may.

In Holy Scripture, Jesus shows love in all sorts of ways: caring, cherishing, warning, enjoying .... and giving his life (his ‘self’) for the sake of others. In marriage, you can try to follow this model by putting the needs of your partner before your own, or at least level with your own. Love has no conditions. Also, the church teaches that marriage provides the best place for the enjoyment of sexuality, and a stable and secure environment for bringing up children. And of course as man and wife you have a new legal status.

 

 

Why get married in church?

Be honest: I’ve heard it all before!
Holy place? Sacred space? Sense of ‘otherness’? Family insists? Tradition? All these, but something else as well: including the Divine in your marriage doesn’t mean you’ll avoid problems, but there is an acknowledgment that you can rely on the teaching of the Church for help. You have our support and encouragement.

FAQ

Where can I get married?

The Church of England is the established church, so if one or both of you live in the church parish, you have the right to be married here. If you don’t live in this parish, you may still be married in the church if:

• you can demonstrate some attachment to the church—for example, you were baptised here or confirmed from here, or you used to live in the parish, or you worshipped here for some time, or your parents were married here; or if
• you attend services regularly for at least six months.

Talk to me about this.

What are the legal requirements?

Banns are a remnant of mediaeval ways of doing things. If you’re being married by banns (most people are), you must have banns of marriage read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. They need to be read in the church of the parish where each of you lives, as well as at the church in which you are to be married, so that could amount to three churches in all.

Passport. Ladies, if you need your passport in your married name, collect a form PD2 from the post office and bring it to the minister to sign. This allows you to apply for a passport in your married name.

How much will it cost?

Weddings are expensive. The cost of the marriage ceremony in church is divided between the legal fees, which cover the publication of the banns, certificate of banns (if necessary), the marriage service and a certificate of marriage, and the charges set by the church. These cover payment to the organist, verger, use of the church and copyright fees. There are also charges if you decide to have bells and the church choir. The fees must be paid before the day of the wedding—at the rehearsal is usually best. We ask you to pay in cash. The fees and charges for a marriage service at St Peter & St Paul are found elsewhere.

What if one of us is divorced?

The Bishop of Derby has issued guidelines for this. The parish priest will want to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage. Your remarriage in church is not an automatic right, but is entirely at the priest’s discretion. If it is not possible for your remarriage to take place in church, your priest may consider other alternatives with you, such as a Service of Prayer and Dedication after a civil ceremony.

How can I change my passport name before I get married?

If you would like to travel with a passport in your married name, collect a form PD2 from the post office and bring it to the minister to sign. This will allow you to apply for a new passport in your future married name.

                  Planning the Wedding

Can I choose what kind of service I want?

Yes. You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language. Either service will contain one or more readings from the Holy Scripture—the clergy will help you select the reading(s) from a range of suitable passages. There will also be a place for prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may like to write your own. It is possible for family members or friends to read, or lead the prayers. There is also the opportunity for a non-biblical reading, and for people to sing or play musical instruments.

When should we have a rehearsal? 

There will be a rehearsal in the church usually the week before the marriage service. The officiating priest will arrange a convenient date and time with you. At the rehearsal you should try to have the Best man, Bridesmaids (or at least the chief Bridesmaid), and the person who is ‘giving away’ the Bride present. It is not necessary for your parents to attend. This is a time to walk through the service and put you all at ease.
Two things to bring to the rehearsal:
          The full fees in cash: no fees, no wedding.
The banns certificate(s), if one or both of you is resident outside Old Brampton parish.   No certificate(s), no wedding.

Bridesmaids and Page Boy 

Do you need to have them? No!

If you are having these attendants, there are no set numbers. Bridesmaids are there to tend to the needs of the bride throughout the service, and for making sure that your dress is arranged properly. The Bride will pass her bouquet to the chief bridesmaid at the beginning of the service and, if she is wearing a veil, a bridesmaid would normally help to take it back at the beginning of the service.

Best Man 

The best man, again not essential, is there to assist the Groom. You may have more than one best man. A best man is responsible for the ring(s).

Vows 

Modern vows reflect the equal commitment to partnership and responsibilities. It is possible for a Bride to include the word ‘Obey’ in her vows, and if you want to do so, discuss it with the priest.

Ushers and Seating 

It is helpful if you provide two ushers who will welcome your guests and assist people as they arrive. Ushers should arrive thirty minutes before the wedding and distribute the service booklets and the buttonholes. They will also escort people to their seats. It is traditional for the family of the Groom to sit on the right side of church as you walk in, behind the Groom. The family of the Bride sit on the left, with a space saved for the person ‘giving away’ the bride. However, you do not have to follow this tradition.

Photographers and video 

The wedding is a religious ceremony, there must be no distractions or intrusions.
Photography is allowed during the ceremony only as the bride enters church; at the signing of the registers; and as the couple leave.
Video-recording the ceremony is allowed, but discuss this with the priest. The video camera is to remain in the same place all the time.
Photographers are asked not to move around during the service, nor to use flash, except at the signing of the registers.

Photography is allowed during the ceremony at certain points:

• as the Bride enters church;
• at the signing of the registers; and
• as the Couple leave.

The official photographer is encouraged to liaise with the priest before the ceremony begins. Photographers are not allowed to move around church during the service, nor to use flash photography, except at the signing of the registers.

Rings 

A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of the commitment you make to each other. It is up to you whether you have one ring or two.

Signing of the registers 

This takes place in the church in the middle of the service, after the Blessing of the Marriage, or at the end of the service. The choice is yours, in consultation with the priest. After the signing the photographer will normally want you to pose for some special photographs. The officiating priest will issue a marriage certificate which will be signed by both of you and two witnesses whom you will appoint. Witnesses must be over 18.

Length of the service 

The service in church is approximately 45 minutes. It may be possible to come back into church after the service for more photographs, if there is not another wedding that day. Good external photographs can be in front of the porch, and at the lych gate. Please don’t use the inviting grass clearing to the east of the church: it is a Garden Of Rest.

Punctiality

It may be traditional for the bride to be late, but it’s bad manners. In any case, there may be another ceremony following yours, and your guests may find themselves blocked in the car park. If you are late, the priest may have to shorten, or cancel, the service.

Confetti

Not in the graveyard, please: it gets in the graves. We recommend biodegradable confetti.

Orders of service 

Some couples like to have their own service leaflets printed. These can be a single A4 double-sided sheet with only the service outline and the words of the hymns and the Lord’s Prayer included. Or it could be a more elaborate affair with declarations, vows and prayers included. Please discuss this with the priest to ensure accuracy.

The church has a copyright licence that covers the reproduction of most (but not all) popular wedding hymns. Morning has broken is not covered, so if you are having this hymn, do not have the words printed on leaflets, but use Church hymn books.

Give your service leaflets to a reliable person to make sure they arrive early at church, and that they aren’t forgotten or locked in a car.

What do I do about flowers? 

For Old Brampton, talk to Brenda Stenton (01246 567651). If there’s another wedding that day, talk to the other couple: you may be able to share costs. You may wish to use the services of an external florist, but they need to know when the church is available for them to get things ready. If it’s a Sunday wedding, Old Brampton church is not available for preparation that morning until 11 am.

What music should I choose? 

Most people prefer traditional wedding music as the bride enters and leaves the church, but there is a wide choice of other suitable music to choose from. Our church organist will be happy to advise you: . We do encourage you to be involved in the choice of music and hymns, perhaps with the advice of the organist, Mr Andrew Hall (01246 620630).

Hymns
It’s appropriate to have up to threeone, two or three hymns. Choose well known hymnsones your guests will know. Here are some possibilities to help you to decide. The numbers correspond to those in our church hymn book, and the names of the tunes are in brackets.

428 Love divine all loves excelling (Blaenwern, or Love Divine)
379 Lead us heavenly Father lead us (Mannheim)
573 Praise to the Lord the Almighty, the king of creation (Lobe den Herrn.)
565 Praise my soul the king of heaven (Praise my soul)
474 Now thank we all our God (Nun Danket)
25 All things bright and beautiful (Monk)
413 Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy (Slane)
503 O Jesus I have promised
161 Father hear the prayer we offer (Sussex)
144 Dear Lord and Father of mankind (Repton)
533 O perfect love
29 Amazing grace
437 Make me a channel of your peace
450 Morning has broken
525 One more step

54 At the name of Jesus (Camberwell)
70 Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart (Slane)
77 Blest are the pure in heart
114 Come down, O love divine
314 Immortal invisible God only wise
382 Let all the world in every corner sing (Luckington)
484 O for a heart to praise my God
625 Take my life and let it be (Emma)
649 The king of love my shepherd is (Dominus regit me)
654 The Lord’s my shepherd

33 `Jerusalem’

35 A new commandment I give unto you

409 Lord for the years

334 I watch the sunrise 

305 I danced in the morning (Lord of the Dance)

201 Give me joy in my heart (Sing Hosanna)

72 Bind us together

Please make sure that the tune is the one you want! If your hymn request is not available we will try and track it down for you. 
The Church Organist is Mr Andrew Hall (01246 620630).

Suggestions for entrance music
Bridal March from Lohengrin – Wagner
Trumpet Voluntary – Jeremiah Clarke
Trumpet Tune and Air – Purcell
Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring – Bach
The arrival of the Queen of Sheba – Handel
Canon in D – Pachelbel

Suggestions for during the signing of the registers
Sheep may safely graze – Handel
Jesu Joy of Man’s Desiring – Bach
Morning – Grieg
Largo – Handel
or have a hymn: this gives people something to do other than chatter

Suggestions for –music at the end
Wedding March – Mendelssohn
Trumpet Voluntary – Jeremiah Clarke
Trumpet Tune and Air – Purcell

The Ten Commandments !

For a wedding when one partner lives outside the Parish, arrange for the banns to be read in their local Church of England Parish. You won’t be able to do this if you are qualifying for the Electoral Roll, until your name has been included on the roll. The clergy at Old Brampton will tell you when to contact another parish priest for the calling of banns, and give you their contact details. Don’t forget to pick up the banns certificate after the third calling at another church and give it to the Minister performing the service at Old Brampton. The wedding can not take place without this certificate.

Decide if you wish to have orders of service printed by the church and discuss the content with the clergy performing the marriage. Make sure the leaflets are ready in time.

Contact the organist if you would like help in choosing your music and hymns for the ceremony.

Contact Brenda Stenton about flowers as soon as possible.

Tell the Parish clergy immediately if any circumstances change - such as your address, or if you need to change dates/times of the ceremony.

Decide if you would like the bells and/or choir.

Arrange for the officiating Minister to sign form PD2 for a honeymoon passport if you are going abroad.

Ensure that a video operator and photographer contact the parish clergy for instructions.

Don’t forget to bring the fees for the wedding to the rehearsal, at the latest. If you are paying by cheque, this will need to be given to the clergy much earlier.

Keep in touch with the clergy before the wedding.                

A wedding is one day - a marriage is a lifetime

Here are some important things that will help you:
1. For a wedding when one partner lives outside the Parish, arrange for the banns to be read in their local Church of England Parish. You won’t be able to do this if you are qualifying for the Electoral Roll until your name has been included on the roll. The clergy at Old Brampton will tell you when to contact another parish priest for the calling of banns, and give you their contact details. Don’t forget to pick up the banns certificate after the third calling at another church and show it to the Minister performing the service at Old Brampton. Remember to bring the(se)se certificate(s) to the rehearsal at Old Brampton: no certificates, no wedding.
2. Decide if you wish to have orders of service printed by the church and discuss the content with the parish clergy performing the marriage. Make sure they arrive on time on the day of the ceremony.
3. Contact the church organist if you would like help in choosing your music and hymns for the ceremony.
4. Contact Rachel KaunhovenDecide about flowers as soon as possible to discuss your thoughts on what you might like.
5. Tell the Parish clergy immediately if any circumstances change, such as your address, or if you need to change dates/times of the ceremony. Once you’ve booked, it may not be possible to change.
6. Decide if you would like the bells and/or choir.
7. Arrange for the officiating priest to sign form PD2 for a honeymoon passport if you are going abroad.
8. Ensure that a video operator and photographer contact the parish clergy for instructions.know what they can and can’t do.
9. Don’t forget to bring the fees in cash to the rehearsal. No fees, no wedding.
10. Keep in touch with the clergy before the wedding.

A wedding is one day: a marriage is a lifetime. You have probably already spent many hours planning your wedding. There are so many things to think about: clothes, the reception, whom to invite, the honeymoon. All these are important, but the wedding is just one day, while marriage should last for the rest of your lives. Alongside the wedding preparations it is important to spend time as a couple talking through your expectations of marriage. However much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   

1 Corinthians 13. 4-7

Back to top