St Peter and St Paul, Old Brampton

Marriage

 

Planning Your Wedding

Introduction

 

 

A wedding is one of life’s great moments, a time of solemn commitment as well as good wishes, feasting and joy. Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God and it is intended by God to be a creative relationship, as God’s blessing enables husband and wife to love and support each other in good and bad in a self-sacrificial way, putting the needs of your relationship before your own. For Christians, marriage is also an invitation to share life together in the spirit of Jesus Christ. It is based upon a solemn, public and life-long covenant between a man and a woman, declared and celebrated in the presence of God and before witnesses. The marriage ceremony gives you a new legal status as husband and wife and a new stability within which your relationship can flourish and grow. Christians believe that marriage offers the right place for fulfillment of sexuality and that it provides the best environment for bringing up children.

 

Why get married in church?

A marriage service is a public declaration of love and commitment to your partner. By choosing to get married in church, there is an added dimension – you are acknowledging that God is involved and accepting that God’s resources and strength are available to help you. This doesn’t mean that you will avoid all the usual ups and downs, but you know that you can look to God for guidance and sustaining love. You will also have the support and encouragement of the Christian Church family.

FAQ

Where can I get married?

• The law entitles you to be married in the Church of England Parish Church where one or other of you lives. Click here for the boundaries of Old Brampton church parish.
• From October 2008, you can be married in Old Brampton church if you can demonstrate some connexion with it—for example, if you used to live in the parish, or if you were baptised or confirmed here, or used to be an active member. You must talk to the Rector about this (email).
• If you don’t live in the parish, but are on the electoral roll, you can be married here. To qualify for this, you’re expected to attend church services for six months before applying for membership.
• In certain circumstances you can apply for a Special Licence. At the moment you can only have a Church of England wedding in a parish church or some other place of worship - normally one licensed by the Bishop. It is not possible to have your church wedding in other venues like a hotel, or a hot air balloon!

What are the legal requirements?

• You must have your banns read out in church for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding. This is often done over three consecutive Sundays. Banns are an announcement of your intention to marry and a chance for anyone to put forward an objection. Banns need to be read in the parish where each of you lives, as well as at the church in which you are to be married (if that is different).
• If you are under eighteen, you need your parents’ consent in writing.
• If you are divorced, see the separate question on this issue.

How much will it cost?

Weddings are expensive! The cost of the marriage ceremony in church includes:

• legal fees set by the state, which cover the publication of the banns, certificate of banns (if necessary), the marriage service and a certificate of marriage;
• charges set by the church covering payment to the verger, use of the church and copyright fees.
• charged if you decide to have organist, bells and church choir.

The least expensive option is to have a straightforward ‘said’ wedding with no organ, choir or bells. Only you can decide.

The fees must be paid well before the day of the wedding – at the time of reading the banns is good, and in any case no later than the rehearsal. Ideally, we ask you to pay in cash. The 2008 fees and charges for a marriage service at Old Brampton church are found at the end of this section of the website.

What if one of us is divorced?

Talk to the priest. The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life, but it recognizes that some marriages fail, and in exceptional circumstances allows a divorced person to marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse. The Bishop of Derby has issued guidelines to his clergy, and so the decision is a matter of judgement by the priest who will need to know about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage. Please note that a divorced person has no right to be remarried in church, and if it’s not possible, your priest may suggest other options such as a Service of Prayer and Dedication after a civil ceremony.

How can I change my passport name before I get married?

If you need to apply in advance for a passport in your new name, bring form PD2 from the post office to the priest who will perform the ceremony.

                  Planning the Wedding

Can I choose what kind of service I want?

You can choose to have a modern language service or one in more traditional language. Either service will contain one or more readings from Holy Scripture – the clergy will help you select the most appropriate reading. There are prayers, which you may help to choose, or you may like to write your own. It is possible for family or friends to read, or lead the prayers. There is also the opportunity to include a non-scriptural reading, and for people to make musical contributions.

When should we have a rehearsal? 

A rehearsal is held in the church for the couple usually during the week of the marriage service. Contact the priest to arrange a convenient date and time. Please try to bring the Best Man, Bridesmaids and the person who is ‘giving away’ the Bride. This is a time to walk through the service and put you at ease. And if you haven’t already paid the fees, bring them.

Bridesmaids and Page Boy 

Do we need them? No! If you are having some, there are no set numbers. Bridesmaids are there to tend to the needs of the bride throughout the service, for making sure that your dress is arranged properly and ‘waiting’ on you. The Bride will pass her bouquet to the chief bridesmaid at the beginning of the service and if she is wearing a veil, a bridesmaid will help to manage it.

Best Man 

He’s there to assist the Groom. It’s possible to have more than one best man. A best man should remember to untie any rings from a cushion, or take them out of the box before handing them to the priest. Be careful not to drop the rings down the floor central heating grilles!

Vows 

The modern vows reflect the equality in the partnership. If you want the traditional vows (the Bride ‘obeying’), say so. But only do it because you want to: don’t be forced. If the Bride does say ‘obey’, the Groom will promise to ‘worship’ the Bride. It’s worth pointing out that both these words, obey and worship, have slightly different meanings now than when they were first used in these services centuries ago.

Ushers and Seating 

It is helpful if you provide two ushers who will welcome and assist arriving guests. Ushers should be present forty minutes before the wedding and distribute service booklets and buttonholes. They will also escort people to their seats. It is traditional for Groom’s family of the Groom to sit on the right side of church as you walk in, behind the Groom. The family of the Bride sit on the left, with a space saved for the person ‘giving away’ the bride. However, this is merely tradition: there are no rules.

Photographers and video 

It is normally possible to have a video recording of the ceremony, but please discuss this with the clergy. There are guidelines as to where the person(s) recording stand during the ceremony: these are to avoid anything that would cause distraction or intrusion during the service.

Photography is allowed during the ceremony at certain points, usually as the Bride enters church, the signing of the registers and as the Couple leave. The official photographer is encouraged to liaise with the officiating minister before the ceremony begins. Photographers are not allowed to move around church during the service, nor to use of flash photography, except at the signing of the registers.

Rings 

A wedding ring is a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, and of the commitment you are making to each other. One or two? It’s up to you. There are appropriate vows for whatever you decide.

Signing of the registers 

This takes place in the church in the middle of the service, or at the end. After the signing the photographer will normally want you to pose for some special photographs. The officiating priest will issue a marriage certificate which will be signed by both of you and two witnesses whom you will appoint. The witnesses must be over 18.

Length of the service 

The service in church is approximately 45 minutes. It is normally possible to come back into church after the service for any internal photographs. Good external photographs can be in front of the porch, and at the lych gate. Please don’t use the grass clearing to the east of the church: it is a Garden of Rest.

Please don’t be late as there may be another ceremony following yours and with the shortage of church car parking space your guests may find themselves blocked in. If you arrive late then the minister may have to decide that there is not enough time to proceed, or there is a need to shorten the service accordingly. Please ignore the old saying that ‘a bride should always be late!’ It’s bad manners and it often leads to a restless congregation, especially if there are young children present

Confetti

Your guests may throw this down by the lych gate. Usually the photographer is the one to give permission, so as not to spoil his photographs!! Please use bio-degradable confetti. The other stuff gets into the graves and monuments and can be a source of distress to relatives of the dead.

Orders of service 

Some couples like to have their own orders of service printed. This would have the words of the hymns included and it maybe a good ‘keepsake’ afterwards. The church has a copyright permission licence, which will cover the reproduction of most wedding hymns – but not all, so discuss this with the priest. Please entrust your orders of service to a reliable person on your wedding day to ensure early arrival at church and that they don’t get locked in a car boot or forgotten! You don’t have to have service orders: some couples simply use the church hymn books.

What do I do about flowers? 

It’s up to you. In any case, please ring Mrs Brenda Stenton (see contacts page) to discuss things. If you don’t want any flowers, please tell Brenda. It may be that somebody else is to be married on the same day and special arrangements can be made to share the costs. If there isn’t another wedding that day, you may wish to use a professional florist. Please telephone now – don’t wait until closer to the wedding.

What music should I choose? 

Most people prefer traditional wedding music as the bride enters and leaves the church - but there’s a wide choice of suitable music to choose from. Our organist will be very happy to advise you. We do encourage you to be involved in the choice of music and hymns, perhaps with the organist’s and/or priest’s advice.

Two or three hymns would normally be suitable. The list below gives suggestions but it is not meant to limit your choice. Hymns Old and New (Anglican edition) is used at church. If your hymn request is not available we will try and track it down for you. The Church Organist is Mr Andrew Hall (01246 620630). In any case, choose well known hymns your guests will know.

The numbers correspond to our church hymn book.
428 Love divine all loves excelling (popular tune: Blaenwern)
379 Lead us, heavenly Father, lead us
573 Praise to the Lord the Almighty, the king of creation
565 Praise my soul the king of heaven
474 Now thank we all our God
25 All things bright and beautiful
413 Lord of all hopefulness
503 O Jesus I have promised
161 Father hear the prayer we offer
144 Dear Lord and Father of mankind
533 O perfect love
29 Amazing grace
450 Morning has broken
525 One more step
54 At the name of Jesus
70 Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
77 Blest are the pure in heart
114 Come down, O love divine
314 Immortal invisible God only wise
649 The king of love my shepherd is (Dominus regit me)
654 The Lord’s my shepherd
33 ‘Jerusalem’
305 I danced in the morning
201 Give me joy in my heart

Please make sure you get the tune you want!

Some traditional entrance music
· Bridal March from Lohengrin: Wagner
· Trumpet Voluntary: Jeremiah Clarke
· Trumpet Tune: Purcell
· Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring: Bach
· The arrival of the Queen of Sheba: Handel
· Canon in D: Pachelbel

Some suggestion for during signing of the registers
· Sheep may safely graze: Handel
· Morning: Grieg
· Largo: Handel
· Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring: Bach
· Canon in D: Pachelbel

Some traditional leaving music
· Wedding March: Mendelssohn
· Trumpet Voluntary: Jeremiah Clarke
· Trumpet Tune: Purcell

The Ten Commandments !

• For a wedding when one partner lives outside the Parish, arrange for the banns to be read in their local Church of England Parish. You won’t be able to do this if you are qualifying for the Electoral Roll, until your name has been included on the roll. The clergy at Old Brampton will tell you when to contact another parish priest for the calling of banns, and give you their contact details. Don’t forget to pick up the banns certificate after the third calling at another church and give it to the Minister performing the service at Old Brampton. The wedding can not take place without this certificate.
• Decide if you wish to have orders of service printed by the church and discuss the content with the clergy performing the marriage. Make sure the leaflets are ready in time.
• Contact the organist if you would like help in choosing your music and hymns for the ceremony.
• Contact Brenda Stenton about flowers as soon as possible.
• Tell the Parish clergy immediately if any circumstances change - such as your address, or if you need to change dates/times of the ceremony.
• Decide if you would like the bells and/or choir.
• Arrange for the officiating Minister to sign form PD2 for a honeymoon passport if you are going abroad.
• Ensure that a video operator and photographer contact the parish clergy for instructions.
• Don’t forget to bring the fees for the wedding to the rehearsal, at the latest. If you are paying by cheque, this will need to be given to the clergy much earlier.
• Keep in touch with the clergy before the wedding.                

A wedding is one day - a marriage is a lifetime

You have probably already spent many hours planning your wedding. There are so many things to think about - the dress, the cake, whom to invite, the honeymoon. All of these are important, but the wedding is just one day, while marriage should last for the rest of your lives.
Alongside the wedding preparations it is also important to spend time as a couple talking through your expectations of marriage. However much you think you have in common, you are still two separate individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, hopes and fears.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   

1 Corinthians 13. 4-7

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